Deep Thoughts
by Cielle
Summary: Krelian's thoughts before he became twisted! Reasons what made him become the antagonist in the game! All about Krelian! Krelian's POV, please review..! T_T


Disclaimer:Xenogears and all the characters is not a property of mine!so there!  
  
Krelian  
  
I was the head of the militia, supposedly I have everything anyone could have wished for. No one could oppose me. I was invincible...or so I thought. I had everything, reputation, popularity and royalty.. but even so I wasn't complete.. there was emptiness, a void in my self that I could not sustain even after everything I have accomplished..  
Time had passed as I seeked for something that can ease the emptiness I felt. I continued to do my work until it came one day that I saw her...  
  
I met her in Nisan.  
I came to know her by the name Sophia..   
She was the symbol of hope, she was the 'Holy Mother of Nisan'  
At that time, I felt something... something I myself could not explain.   
  
I came to serve her not only because of duty but for the reason I wanted too myself. Because of that she knew me and all that time I was with her I felt warmth. She was the only one who was able to make me feel important and for that I swore to myself to love and protect her.   
That time I began to think that it was her that eased the emptiness I long felt.. I showed my affections to her but.. she never returned it. I didn't understand why.. so I just continued loving her inspite of that.  
  
War existed in the nearby lands. Chaos stroke and at that very time I saw what was at hand.. Nisan was still safe at that time but we wanted to prevent bloodshed to reach us. We established alliances to strengthen our forces and from that time I met Lacan...  
  
Lacan..   
He was one of the guards of Nisan. He became my companion together with the others during some fight outside Nisan. But more than that I saw something, in that short time, Sophia loved him..  
  
I could not understand why. He was one of the soldiers of Nisan and a mere artist, but nothing more than that. Some had said that Lacan was Sophia's childhood friend but that did not matter. I was beyond him, he could never compare to me. I have everything...except Sophia.  
Sophia knew my feelings for her but never loved me. She could not return my feelings for her but she was always careful not to hurt my feelings. I knew she loved Lacan and I respected that even if it meant that I could only watch and care for her in distance...  
The emptiness I felt always existed in me but even so she was the one who prevents me to be swallowed by that emptiness. All that mattered was she was there, even if she did not love me.  
  
For the meantime, I focused myself on protecting Nisan. Nearby villages are destroyed and I would not let that happen here. I had reliable companions that helped sustain the attacks of nearby enemies. But even so there were deaths, war was at hand. The soldiers and I have the job of preventing the enemies from reaching the town and Sophia was the one who gave hope to the wounded and lost.  
She was truly the 'Holy Mother'   
She had that light that existed within her she was truly god-sent..  
  
I knew the war would definitely reach us. And it did, Sophia went to a trip for peace negotiations and Lacan was appointed to be her guard while I was away handling the military when Kislev attacked Sophia's group. When I learned the news, I was mortified to see Sophia injured during the attack. I stayed by her side as long as I could. And at the same time I cursed Lacan, for letting Sophia to be in danger. I hated him for the fact that he who receives such affections from Sophia be the one to put her in danger.  
  
I cursed Lacan but I could not do anything other than hate him. No matter what, I could never lose Sophia and I wouldn't let Lacan be the reason of it.  
  
Time passed quickly and Kislev was launching countless attacks on Nisan. I must admit that Kislev is doing a good job in destroying our defenses. I had no choice but to consult it to the higher power. We had a meeting, are forces were not that weak to fight off the army of Kislev but they certainly have better equipments in machinery. Nevertheless we had to settle the war and finish it once and for all.   
  
The attack began a few days after of our meeting. This was supposed to be the grand battle which will decide who will emerge victorious. Our artillery and gears were properly maintained, we were ready for what was going to happen. News about the war that was going to break out reached Sophia. She insisted to join the war, for a reason that I could not understand. The nuns protested with her idea and so did I.  
I never want her to endanger herself any longer. But even after all the people who tried to convince her we could do nothing to stop her.   
  
All I could do was give her the best protection during the war..  
  
War began. This was probably the worst war we ever had. Both forces were advancing at each other, everything was in deep enigma until it came...  
  
Kislev's army brought up a maneuver that pinned us down. If we lost Nisan will surely crumble down to pieces. Sophia was aboard the Nisan military ship, she was placed there so she would have the best defense if ever anyone attacks her but the situation was reversed... we were supposed to be the one protecting her but instead she ended up protecting us..  
She crashed the ship on her own will to save us...  
  
Nisan was spared. Her death caused grief to the townspeople but even more to those who knew her. How could God let such a pure soul die in such way? That time too many questions swirled in my mind and consciousness. She who had served Him... I could not understand why..  
Did God really exist? Or was He just an illusion? Someone we made up ourselves so that in times of hopelessness we will have someone to rely on?  
Now the emptiness I felt began to grow. Loneliness and hatred swallowed my being and soon darkness had come before me. That time I swore to myself that if God did not exist, I will become God and create God himself..  
  
END!  
  
After that to those who played the game you know what happened! Well Krelian's past was never elaborated in the game so I just added some details myself ^^ So how was it? This is my first Krelian Fic. I was planning to write another 2 chapters of Sophia and Lacan's Thoughts but I have to stop there until I know what you people think! 


End file.
